Hit and Misses, Part 1: L.A. Story
With the amount of delays and near-misses I’ve had in the last week, I’m surprised that Mercury is rolling direct right now. It also boggles my mind that just a week ago, I was in sunny California. I can remember having to take off my jacket while walking around because it was 63 degrees out. A mere few days later, I was trying to escape the snow in Portland and traded it in for the icy roads of Olympia.
It was 17 degrees in both cities this past Saturday, and snowing heavily in Portland, where I live. Riding through a snowstorm on a train while drinking a beer felt like a dream to my beatnik heart. I was set to stay on a friend’s houseboat for a couple nights once I got to Oly, a bucket list item of mine, and was scheduled to record the audio book version of my novel there, another dream come true.
I had decided to celebrate my birthday for a whole week because I had so many things that I wanted to do. To kick things off, I played a show at Al’s Den in Portland on Saturday Jan 6th. Then on Tuesday the 9th, my buddy Jenny and I flew to L.A. for my first-ever Hollywood gig. Jenny, my enby roadie, told me that they had scored some Ativan for the flight and had gotten extra so that I could have some, too, if I wanted.
Normally I don't get nervous about flying but, just a few days prior, an Alaska airlines Boeing 737 lost a door plug that created a hole in the side of the plane. Some of the people aboard the flight lost many of their personal effects, including a t-shirt (which the wind ripped right off of a teenager’s body), a sock, one shoe, and an iphone, that was recording the incident (and managed to survive the fall).
Oxygen masks were deployed and utilized. Though originally expected to arrive in SoCal, the pilot made an emergency landing and the plane returned to Portland. It was all quite literally too close to home.
I figured that if the shoe was on the other foot (and not getting sucked out into space), that if Jenny knew about a problem with a previous flight on the same airline we were flying, I’d rather they tell me about it later, after we successfully land in another state. So that was my plan. But then our plane was grounded for quite some time. I caved and spilled the beans to Jenny, and also accepted one Ativan, as the pilot announced that an inspection needed to be performed and that everyone needed to exit the plane.
Luckily we found a restaurant near our gate that was serving mimosas. I was excited for my first drink of the trip, but I didn’t expect them to be Big Gulp-size! I managed to drink only half of my cup. Jenny downed theirs like a champ and then helped my dainty ass finish mine. I was already buzzed from the champagne and anti-anxiety med. An Alaska crew member announced that it would soon be time for us to board again.
We got back on the same plane and then there was more waiting around. Jenny and I weren’t able to get seats together. They sat five rows up from me, and dozed off. The pilot’s voice announced over the intercom that there was possibly still a mechanical issue, and another inspection might need to be performed and that he would share more info as soon as he knew more. I got up from my seat, woke Jenny and requested another pill.
The final announcement came shortly after I popped my last Ativan. The pilot assured us that we’d be in the air soon, and that we just needed to wait for the flight crew to get swapped out. We sat still for another half an hour. Finally, three hours after our scheduled departure time, we took off.
Our original agenda for day one in L.A. was:
Check into the Hotel Normandie, a vintage hotel in Koreatown that was rumored to be quite haunted.
Visit a cemetery.
Have drinks at the Chateau Marmont.
Have dinner at Pink Taco.
End the night at Bar Lubitsch, a Russian-inspired vodka lounge, where I was scheduled to perform in a queer songwriter showcase.
At first I couldn’t decide whether to hit up Forest Lawn or Hollywood Forever Cemetery. They both seem like lovely cemeteries; I mean, people are just dying to get into them! On one hand, if we went to Forest Lawn in Hollywood Hills, we could honor Brittany Murphy and Matthew Perry, two of my favorites. However, Forever is home to Judy Garland, and was also the locale of a recent Lana Del Rey photoshoot and the subject of a Father John Misty song. I’d been meaning to visit Hollywood Forever Cemetery, well, forever, so I decided to prioritize that one. Our late arrival, however, impeded our ability to visit any graveyards.
It took longer than I’d anticipated for us to get from LAX to the rental car pickup spot and then into L.A. proper, so we were also forced to cut drinks at the Chateau Marmont from our itinerary.
A short list of reasons I need to return to L.A. and have a drink at Chateau Marmont:
I went on a secret trip to L.A. in early 2021 (meaning I only told maybe 6 friends and my girlfriend at the time. Went to Chateau Marmont to attempt to have a drink but it was closed to the public due to the pandemic, open only for hotel guests.
Marilyn stayed there.
Hedy Lamarr was a guest there, and signed her new stage name wrong while checking in.
Natalie Wood and Anthony Perkins went there to have affairs (not with each other, of course).
Pink Floyd had skinny dipping parties there.
Jim Morrison also partied there, and the hotel was featured in the biopic the Doors.
Basquiat used to stay there, but only when he could rent the bungalow that Belushi died in.
The Velvet Underground recorded their third album there.
Lindsey Lohan once had a slumber party there with Lady Gaga and Lana Del Rey.
Charles Bukowski wrote about the Chateau Marmont in his book Hollywood.
Father John Misty references the Chateau Marmont in his poignant love song, Chateau Lobby #4 (in C for 2 Virgins).
What slightly makes up for us not being able to go inside the Chateau Marmont is that Hotel Normandie, the more reasonably priced hotel where we stayed, is a 98-year-old gem and ranks third in the top ten most haunted L.A. hotels (Chateau Marmont ranks number 1, of course). It was also home to many famous guests, including author Malcolm Lowry, who wrote parts of Under the Volcano there. According to HauntedRooms.com, shadowy figures and general bad vibes frequently keep guests feeling spooked and unable to sleep at Normandie. Oddly enough, although I normally sleep like shit in hotels, I slept through the night at this one.
Another thing that makes up for us not having time to go inside the Chateau Marmont’s bar (or even sneak a peek inside the famed lobby), is that I got to admire the exterior again when we ate at Pink Taco. Pink Taco is nestled just in front of Chateau Marmont, and is also a rad piece of history. It used to be the Roxbury Club, as in Night at the Roxbury, and famous party girls like Paris Hilton once danced there. I loved being in the same space she once inhabited, plus, I mean, come on, Pink Taco! With a name like that, where else were two dykes going to dine?
After dinner we rushed to Bar Lubitsch to load in for the show. One of the performers, Jovi, let me borrow her guitar so that I would have less to carry to the show. She also stepped in at the last minute to replace another performer who had a family emergency. I was so grateful that she was able to help us out with so much! My friend Lore Noir, a recent transplant from Portland, was not only the first to join me for our four act bill, but she recommended the venue plus the third opener, Sh!ner, so I was very thankful for all of Lore’s assistance as well. All three acts were magnificent! Sh!ner’s quirky, queer love songs were so relatable, and Jovi and her band had such a fun energy and infectious grooves! Lore Noir was enchanting as always and I was excited to hear her haunting new tunes! All the local acts brought folx out to see our show, too, which was incredible.
The agenda for our second day in L.A. originally involved:
Working out in the morning in the hotel gym.
Lunch at Canter’s Deli.
Shopping at Pan’s Apothika.
Hanging out at the Santa Monica Pier for a bit on our way back to the airport.
The gym turned out not to be on the property but two blocks away. The hotel concierge explained that he could give us a free pass for said gym, but I figured that if I had to leave the property to work out, I might as well just go running outside and enjoy the sunshine. It was the perfect way to kick off my actual birthday.
Reasons I wanted to visit Canter’s Deli:
Marilyn frequently ate there.
Lana likes it.
Father John Misty sang about it in Buddy’s Rendezvous.
“Are you only visiting places FJM sings about?” my friend Lore had teased me. Damn, she figured me out! The veggie Rueben and Bloody Mary I had at Canter’s were delicious. Jenny kindly refused to let me pay and I appreciated the birthday treat so much! We did our daily tarot draw there, as well.
Our motive for wanting to visit Pan’s Apothika: it was the magic shop featured in the awesome nineties flick The Craft. Unfortunately after we drove twenty minutes out of our way, we found that the store was closed. I did manage to snap a pic of the exterior. Next, we drove off to Santa Monica.
We had trouble finding parking, needed to stop for gas, and made a wrong turn or two, so by the time we finally made it to the pier, we only had time to do a quick lap around it. Then we had to jump back into the car, drive to the rental place and then hop on the shuttle to return to the airport.
Still, I enjoyed the fresh sea air, the sun’s warm rays, and the view of Santa Monica from the pier. We blasted Santa Monica by Everclear from my phone on our way out of town. I didn’t dwell on what we’d missed out on or had barely gotten to experience during our brief sojourn in L.A.: my heart was full from the fun adventure that my bestie and I had.
Things I received for free in the last week (for my birthday or just because):
1 free glass of Chardonnay aboard Alaska flight to L.A.
1 free whiskey and 1 free beer on our SW flight home (plus 2 free margaritas for Jenny).
A fifty dollar SW air voucher (just for flying on my birthday!).
A birthday stamp for my Mcmenamins passport at Chapel Pub.
A seasonal ale stamp at McMenamins Spar Pub.
A free salad from Veggie Grill.
An important lesson on what my future houseboat needs to be equipped with.
Stay tuned for part 2!
